First — don’t panic, don’t pursue
When men sense distance, they often chase: long talks, heavy promises, or “fixing” moods. That pressure backfires. The play is calm, consistent, low-pressure behavior that raises safety and lowers defensiveness.
The 5 signs & how to respond
1) Emotional disengagement
Short answers, neutral tone, no curiosity about your day.
2) No future talk
Trips, projects, even weekend plans go “TBD.”
3) Irritability or contempt
Eye-rolls, sarcasm, “Why do you always…”. Pain talks like anger.
4) Tight boundaries & privacy
More time alone, new routines, stricter device privacy.
5) Logistical separation
Separate finances, sleeping apart, testing independence.
Show, Don’t Tell
Replace speeches with visible change she can observe without effort:
- Predictable time: arrive early, send an “on my way” text if delayed.
- Home wins: handle one nagging task daily without prompting.
- Calm tone: low voice, slower pace, no over-explaining.
- System fixes: remove triggers, add guardrails, keep a shared calendar.
Consistency Over Time
Think in weeks, not hours. Trust returns when your baseline changes, not after one “perfect talk.” Use this weekly checklist:
- Kept promises or notified early about changes.
- Delivered 5–7 small “micro-wins” at home.
- Maintained warm, pressure-free vibe (no reassurance fishing).
- Added/kept one verifiable system fix.
What to say (light, steady, safe)
“I hear how heavy this has felt. I’m not asking you to decide anything today. I’m going to keep making things easier and steadier around us.”
Need a step-by-step for your exact situation?
The Mend The Marriage training shows how to de-escalate, rebuild trust, and restart connection — even if she’s pulling away.